Hello! I am 27 years old and my dh (Aaron) is 25. We have been ttc #1 for a bit over 3 years. (waa!) I have PCOS and dh has MFI (very low count and morph). We had to try naturally for a long while then tried clomid. I did ovulate but what good is that when Dh's boys are not in good shape! We didn't do any kind of procedure since we had NO infertility insurance BUT God answered my prayers. Aaron found a job with Time Warner and what do you know??? They cover IF coverage 100% AFTER a $150 deductible!! I have 3 tries with IUI and 3 tries with IVF!! Woohoooooo!

SO now of course I am going crazy trying to get in. I decided to skip ahead from IUI since Aaron's analysis were very low and our best bet would be IVF. We have our first consultation on October 2nd. Meanwhile I have cd 3 b/w to be done tomorrow and an HSG scheduled for next Wednesday... Aaron also has his third SA next Monday. We had to get all this done by our consultation so it looks like we will. I am so excited!!!

Now on to the vulnerable, open hearted blogging. I am excited but I am also scared. I am sad and angry that I have to do IVF in order to achieve something that sooooooooo many achieve by a one night stand or when doing drugs... or at 14 years old. But... I have accepted it (really, I have?) and have decided to just go forward. I am scared that it won't work. I am scared that the RE will tell me to come back when I am older or have lost weight. I am scared that because Aaron is young they will tell us to give it time. I am scared my PCOS will make me overstimulate.... I am SO freakin scared of the needles! Anyway, I am frightened. I know that this has to be normal and all my feelings are rightful. I am praying and asking God to give me strength and to be with me right now. Aaron is there but it still feels lonely. I feel like no one understands not even Aaron. He will see what I go through and he has seen what I have gone through to this day but he has never felt it nor will he ever. He has seen bloody tears running down my face. He has held me while I was shaking uncontrollably too many times to count. But he has never felt my shame or pain. He has never felt why the tears fall down. He doesn't feel the emptyness that I have felt for 3 YEARS! He doesn't know how it feels to stop in my living room and listen: QUIET. I have many times done this and feel my heart break. It is sooo quiet (well besides my 2 dogs and 1 cat) there sometimes. I yearn to hear a baby cry, laugh, coo, whatever. Aaron doesn't know that feeling... My point is, even the person that I love the most and loves me the most, doesn't UNDERSTAND this journey. Only me. That's why I ask God to be with me. It is said He is everywhere and walks with us. I want Him to walk with me where Aaron can't. I want Him to give me strength that I lack. Is this too mushy?? Sorry, had to get it out.





****wanted to add some of my abbreviation terms... I used them alot since I am used to the fertilityfriend website.

AF- Aunt Flow (period)
IF- Infertility
DH- Dear Husband
BFP- Big Fat Positive (on pregnancy test)
BFN- Big Fat Negative (on pregnancy test)
PG- Pregnant or pregnancy
IVF- In Vitro Fertilization
U/S- Ultrasound
B/W- Bloodwork
PCOS- Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (multiple cysts on my ovaries)
MFI- Male Factor Infertility
S/A- Semen Analysis (test to check morphology, count, and motility of sperm)
CD- Cycle Day (cycle day 1 is first day of period and you count to the end of that whole cycle)
RE- Reproductive Endocronologist (infertility doctor)
HSG- Um.. don't know how to spell it but its the test where they put dye through your fallopian tubes to see if they are open)
FF- Fertility Friend (website that I am on all the time! Women who chart to conceive)
TTC- Trying to Conceive
Met- Metformin (medication used for diabetes but oddly enough also for PCOS... and no I don't have diabetes)
IUI- Inuterine insemination
ICSI- again, this one I don't know how to spell but its used for severe male infertility in which they actually pick the ONE special sperm and inject it into the egg that way they don't have to fertilize on their own because sometimes they can't
BCP- Birth contol pills (my case, used in our ivf cycle)

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