I am 2 days post transfer... I am so early! Of course, days go by fast, I have learned. I have all my appts and special dates on my work calendar and I can't believe how fast these 3 months have gone. Its really amazing to see all my dates. I had written all my future dates/appts and I lived every single one of them. Everything seemed so far away once but now it seems a big blur. I have put down the day of my beta on there and it seems so far away too but I know it will go by fast! I have been taking it easy here at work. I tried to nap during lunch since I felt a little tired but it didn't work.
Last night before going to bed I was just thinking and thinking. I have to admit that I have a good feeling about this. I have read where some women just knew it didn't work, they just had a feeling about it, and sure enough it didn't. I have heard of women *knowing* it didn't work but it did. I am feeling like it did. I am feeling at peace and happy with my ivf cycle. Of course when I think of beta my heart starts to beat harder and faster but overall my cycle went good. The shots were okay, the u/s and b/w weren't bad, the egg retrieval wasn't too bad except the aftermath was horrible but it got better within days. The transfer was a piece of cake and I feel good. So I am thankful that it went good. I responded well to my meds, I made a good amount of eggs, not too many and not too few. I don't have OHSS and hopefully I won't get it. So overall, I feel like I was textbookish. My RE seemed really pleased with my cycle so it just reassured me more and more.
So anyway, I just needed to get my thoughts out there. I am catching up on work and of course on FF obsessing with other IVFer's! ;)

I forgot to mention earlier that the nurse said we have 4 frozen embryos!!! That is great! Yipeee!

I decided to stay home today. I am being paranoid and really careful. I just watched a show called "the baby lab" and it followed 4 couples in their ivf journey. All were different cases but still I could SO relate. I was crying from the beginning when seeing the couples doing shots and u/s. It just looks so sad and so technical to have to make a baby that way. I guess thats how Aaron and I looked. But then its such a big blessing to be able to have IVF and ICSI, especially in male factor infertility. They said that 10 years ago, men with no sperm or low counts were just told that it was impossible. Wow, I am blessed today to be 27 years old in 2006 doing ivf/icsi. So now it doesn't look so sad, it looks like a determination and a necessity when you so desperately want a biological baby. I am proud of myself for going through all of it and Aaron can't stop telling me how proud he is of me. I am just happy that everything seemed to go so well. Despite the PCOS and the danger of OHSS, I feel so good! I have some bloating but it I swear since yesterday after the transfer I felt better than I had for about a week. Maybe the anxiety was getting to me. So for now, I am on the couch watching tv. I just am praying and hoping and even talking the little guys to hopefully implant in there. I read that after a 5 day transfer the blastocysts usually implant on day 6 which is today!!! Maybe they already did!!! Ayiyi, this is so crazy!!!
Oh and I forgot to post the first official pic of my 2 precious ones... Here they are: The one on the left is the bigger one and the right one is just a tad behind. Aren't they GORGEOUS???

So it went great! We got there and prepped up. Aaron had to put on a gown and booties and a hat! We should have got a pic!!! Since he is so big the gown barely fit and the booties wouldn't go over his shoes (size 15) so he had to take them off. The procedure was good. It was only uncomfortable because of the full bladder you have to have in order to see the uterus better. Other than that, it felt like a pap smear. We got to see the picture of our 2 chosen ones. One of them was bigger and better quality than the other but both were very good!! Our RE was very very happy with them since they made it to blastocyst stage. They showed them to us one more time on the screen and I started to cry. I was just so emotional and weepy because I saw me and Aaron right there. I know when you see them they just look like a circle with bubbles in them but Dr. Dunn actually showed us what part was the potential fetus, the placenta and all these other neat parts. I am blessed that I get to see our "babies" so young. Only 5 days old!! Only in IVF, huh??
I am not ordered bedrest at my clinic but just relaxing. I will go back to work tomorrow and just take it easy. Me and Aaron were just praying and talking on the way over there. I really really hope this is it!!
I can't believe I have some babies in there!!! I have more that are growing and tomorrow I should know if they made it to freeze... Yeehaaaw!!!!

The 4 day weekend was NOT enough! I woke up very early everyday besides yesterday because of pain or uncomfortableness so now that I feel better I want to go home and sleep. Tomorrow is our embryo transfer!! YIKES! I will actually have 2 little babies in there. I am very nervous, not about the procedure as I hear that I have already been through the painful part (egg retreival), but because of being so close to the end. I know I wrote about this but its been on my mind. I just hope it works... God, I hope it works. I hear that the babies will implant within 24-36 hours when doing a 5 day transfer. So that mean all I would have to wait to do a home pregnancy test would be about 7-8 days after tomorrow. That scares me!!! I don't think I ever want to test! I just want to pretend my babies are in there forever. :( I can't imagine getting AF after a negative IVF cycle. That sucks! As being negative wasn't enough!!!
I have to keep my head up and just be positive though or else my stomach will turn into knots and I will worry.
So my progesterone shots have been good. I was terrified of the needle when I saw them as they are much bigger than my lupron or stims' needles. The PIO (progesterone in oil) shots are intramuscular so that was also scary. The needle must go in all the way (1 1/2 inches) and then the plunger is hard to push in since its so thick. But so far so good. Aaron bought me a heating pad that I am using for my belly/ovaries and it also works good for after my PIO shot. I ice first with ice pack until I am numb, then I use the heating pad. I have no marks or welts so that means it must be working.
My ovaries aren't hurting as much. I have been able to do more around the house but I am still taking it very easy. I do feel some pressure when I have to pee still but not as bad. I can actually sleep on my belly again so that means improvement. I still am very bloated as all my pants are feeling tight around my waist but it seems to be getting better. I have been drinking water and gatorade too to try to prevent OHSS.
Tomorrow I will have the whole day off as I want to go home and lay on the couch. I just want those little babies to feel the cushiony lining and stick! Make it a home... for 9 months!!!

We got the call around 10 am!!!! OUT OF 17 EGGS, WE GOT 14 FERTILIZED!!!! WOOHOOO!!! She said that it was a great number and that they were very happy since most women get 60% fertilized....

YIPPEEE! Oh and Aaron fixed the sink and the TOILET!! haha.. This is the BEST Thanksgiving ever! :)

OMG. So yesterday was HORRENDOUS. I was in PAIN!! I didn't expect it to be that way and I was really afraid something was wrong. I had LOTS of pressure in my lower belly, especially when I had to pee or had gas. *embarrasing* I thought I was going to die of the pain. Not cool. Aaron got me some tylenol and a heating pad and the tylenol (as usual) didn't do ANYTHING for me. The pad felt delish though. I do feel better today. I still feel alot of bloating and soreness but definately not like yesterday. My belly was so bloated and achey that I couldn't even suck it in. I looked PG yesterday!!! But I feel better so that is a good sign.

I was sad though.... I didn't even get to enjoy thanksgiving. My mother in law, my brother in law and my sister came over and all I did was sit on the couch. I did try to eat but I was NOT feeling it. It was horrible. I did mention that I officially have "babies" out there in the lab and it made me feel better. :)

So today I am taking it easy but I need to clean up the after mess. Although Aaron has been an ANGEL. He did everything, I did nothing. I did manage to clean on Wednesday since I didn' t know how I was going to feel after the retrieval So the floor is still clean looking from the mopping. I just need to run my dirt devil swiffer thing over it. Then Aaron is fixing the sink that he clogged up (too many potatoes peels down the garbage disposal) and the toilet he clogged up too! (he decided that the Clorox disposable toilet cleaning things were also flushable. Um, they are NOT) So he has his hands full. Hopefully we got some Christmas lights up too!! Yippeee!!

Oh and they shall call me later on with my report. I will update when I hear something.

I am baaaack! Just wanted to update that we went this morning. We got there early around 8am (appt was at 8:30) and waited just under 10 minutes. I put on a gown, then the booties, and the cool shower cap looking thing and was ready. I relaxed for a while with Aaron and the nurse just answered all my questions! She was great! Then she did the IV... OUCH!! They just used water at first and then once in the main room they would put the sleepy meds through IV. Me and Aaron just sat there talking about Cujo since we watched it last night and it seemed to make the time go by faster. Finally around 8:50, another nurse came and and walked me to THE room. It didn't look like I thought it would. I guess I expected a BIG O.R. room but nope, looked like a room with some stirrups, a tv, and an u/s machine. Then a bunch of supplies too. I did notice a window type opening in which the door slides. I didn't know what it was until the actual procedure started.
Dr. Valdes got there (my doctor wasn't on call so it was another doc but she has a reputation as good as Dr. Dunn's) and told me she was inserting the meds. They got me to slide down on the bed and then before you know it, the FIRE alarm on the ceiling started to move in circles. I looked around and sure enough everything was moving and I started to get drowsy. I even giggled because it felt funny. Well from that point I do remember some stuff but not really. I wasn't completely out and I did feel some pain but then they would give me more of that "good stuff" and it would go away. :)
So the window opening was for the embryologist. I guess the doc was passing the eggs to him via a catheter or something. I am not sure. I heard Dr. Valdes saying stuff like she wasn't sure or I don't know but I got worried. I guess I worried for nothing because she got 17 eggs!!! WOOHHOOOOO! 17 EGGIES!!! I don't remember much after that. I don't even remember how I got to my room. :) But once there the nurse told me they got 17 eggs. Aaron already knew as Dr. Valdes told him herself. She said the average woman got 10-12 so I was above average!!! I was happy to hear that. At this time the nurse let Aaron go take care of business since I was knocked out and it was going to take me a while to recover. When he came back he was laughing because I was saying weird things. But it was like I was dreaming 100 dreams at a time. Seriously. After about an hour they let me go.

So tomorrow they call me with the fertilization report. Just because we are doing ICSI doesn't mean they will all fertilize. But so far, I am very happy with our numbers!!

21 hours... I have been counting down since this morning! My egg retrieval is at 8:30am tomorrow so I have 21 hours to go (its 11:30 now). I have to say that I am SO nervous. My belly is feeling uneasy, the butterfly feeling. But not in a good way. I am scared. I am not really scared of the ER part, but more of IVF being over. I am now on the REAL stuff. Whether it works or not, well thats it! When I was in the injection part, I was really hopeful since I didn't know whether it would work. It was so far away, it seemed. Well now the ER is here and then ET will be here too and that's it. I will know whether all my work and pain worked. It sucks you have to go through all this and still not guaranteed a BFP. I do remain hopeful, I am praying alot. I am thinking about it alot. I just have to remember that it MIGHT not work. It just might not. And that hurts alot!! So WAIT for baseline u/s to check for cysts was nothing. Now that I know I went through, now here is the real wait. The wait to see if it works. I really hope I have some nice great eggs. I really hope that our embies fertilize good. We are doing ICSI in which they will individually inject a single sperm into each of my eggs so at least we bypass the "let's wait to see if they naturally fertilize" but they still might not fertilize normally. I really hope we have some embies to freeze. That would be awesome just in case this didn't work. We are transferring two so hopefully we get a PAIR of excellent embies. I am so nervous!!

So I triggered tonight at 9pm. Its official! Come on little eggies. Aaron is being so nice and doing EVERYTHING. I am in pain now. If my bladder gets full, which it gets every hour since I am dringking water and gatorade to try prevent from overhyper stimulating of the ovaries, I get a pain on my left side. It hurts so bad! And now I am bloated and my lower belly feels very sore. Not pretty. I am glad that I wasn't uncomfortable UNTIL now which is practically the end. I feel like a BIG PG woman wanting her baby out but except I am BIG IVF woman wanting her eggies out!! hehe... Ayiyi, well Aaron is waiting for me to go to bed and I need to take my metformin so I will see ya later!! Tomorrow is uneventful. I will NO longer take shots! YES! I do need to take my antibiotics and not eat after midnight for the BIG day on Thursday... oh and no perfume OR cologne since the embryos don't seem to like it. How cute huh? Tomorrow I will be getting off early as we do every Thanksgiving and Christmas so it will be a short day. I am so excited!! Its SO near...

So here is the 411. Word.
My estrogen is up to 3,705!! Dr. Dunn decided to keep me on stims one more night than anticipated to let the little follies catch up. SO I will be stimming tonight one more time and triggering tomorrow at 9:00. My retrieval will be on Thursday, Thanksgiving date, at 8:30am. So my babies will be conceived on Thanksgiving date! How neat! Seriously, is that a SIGN?? I want to take it as one. While we will be roasting our turkey at home later on that morning, our embies will be roasting in a dish in the lab. :) I am so excited and happy that I am here. The time went by sooo fast for me.

So my last scan was today. I was happy but a bit sad believe it or not. I will miss going in and seeing everybody. I made it a point to be really talkative and open with the staff there as I read that its good to be friendly with everybody so that they wouldn't see me as just another patient. It worked! :) Even the receptionist and I know each other now.
So Honey said that I had about 25 mature follies. I have more but those are the big ones. She said that was a good amount. I am waiting for her to call me and let me know about my b/w and then she said she would tell me whether to trigger tonight or tomorrow. She said there was a chance I could have retreival until Thursday which is Thanksgiving Day. I am fine with that since I have Friday off. But I really want these eggies out of me and fertilized!! I can't wait to see how my babies do!! I can't believe it's this week!

Well today was a scan day. There was nobody besides the xray tech that fills in (I have never seen her before), no nurse, no receptionists. Well since she is just xrays, she didn't give me no results. I was bummed. It wasn't until about 2 something that a nurse called and gave me my info. I am to stay on the same dose on everything. My estrogen was 2,111!!! I didn't get my lining...
Here are the measurements of the follies:

Right ovary:
19
18
17, 17
15, 15, 15
14, 14, 14, 14
13
12
11
10

Left ovary:
20
18
18
17
16
15, 15, 15
12, 12

Thats alot of follies!! She said to just come back on Monday for scan. I am bummed because I thought for sure I would be triggering today or tomorrow so I am a bit worried. But they are the experts so I need to trust in their knowledge, right?? I guess it looks like a Wednesday retrieval afterall. So thats the update!!!

My scan went good. I was asked AGAIN if I had emptied my bladder!! What in the world?? I do pee like 3 times before and then I can't no more. I even sit on the toilet with the faucet running just in case I have more in there to let out... Grr... well I had the nurse-xray tech but it still hurt! Either because of my bladder or my ovaries being sore. OUCH! And it was FOREVER! But the good news is first I lost about 9 lbs since my first IVF appt (oct 2) and second are my results!!

Right ovary:
18
18
17
16
15
15
14
13
12
5 little ones that are about 10mm

Left ovary:
18
18
17
16
15
14
13
12
5 little ones that are about 10mm

Lining was a 10!
Estrogen was 1489 and my progesterone was a 1.7.

So there ya go! I go back tomorrow (I swear I will zonk out once I get home because its Saturday) and then we will go from there. They tested my progesterone to see if my body was trying to ovulate on its own but from the results, it doesn't seem like it is. I might get moved up one day on my retrieval but we will see tomorrow. I am getting soooo excited and nervous!!

The clinic was packed today! I got there right at 8am and there were already 2 patients there then bam, bam, bam. Full house I tell ya! I waited for about 25 minutes to get seen! But it was all good once I was behind the 2 lovely doors.
OMG. TMI but I have the most beautiful, most gorgeous eggwhite CM. Seriously, its beautiful. I know its normal as my estrogen is rising!!! Woohoo!! I am THIS close...

I have a headache today. Yuck. I had noticed that since starting the stims, the headaches had ceased. Guess not. My ovaries are doing flips in there today! I am feeling so much inside that it sort of makes me feel like a pregnant woman feeling her baby move. So far, these eggies are my babies.
Hm, speaking of PG, my nips are hurting today. They feel like if I had ovulated. I know I haven't but it feels like that. I am guessing maybe the estrogen rising effect? I dunno.
Soo today I am calling about the insurance situation. We are going to go for the PPO plan at 90% coverage with a $10,000 limit on treatment and a $5000 on meds for Infertility. It sucks that we have been decreased the amount of coverage but I am sooo thankful that we still have coverage! Whew!
The funny thing is wondering if this one ivf will work or not. If it doesn't, then I will have another try at it next year. If it does, then I will have to pay 10% of our maternity care. And weird thing is that we have to make our decision by the 22nd as that is when Aaron turns in his paperwork. That is the same day of retrieval. I am hoping that this is a sign. God may be trying to tell me that I won't need to worry about anymore infertility coverage (for now until we want to ttc again) because this first one will work! Maybe this is a test of faith? I don't know. But I hate being put in that position. I have been tested enough so I will not let this get me down that maybe its a test, that I might even fail. No way!
Its neat that Aaron got his job right when he did. Then our insurance came in effect in Sept. I had to wait. But... my period came exactly in the perfect timing to get my preliminary testing done. Then, the consult. Then the bcps. Everything has just been lining up perfectly with time. Now that we will no longer be covered under United Healthcare, which will probably take place on Jan 1st, 2007, it seems as it was there on purpose. Right on time. And that its ending right on time too. I have my beta sometime in mid Dec. Then my clinic closes for a week. So as I say goodbye to my AWESOME coverage, I will be finding out if IVF #1 worked. So strange that TimeWarner decided to merge when it did. Right on time for Diana and Aaron's chance to get that ONE IVF done and then move on. That is more of a sign I like!! It just seems too good to be true!
I will admit here that I do have a good feeling about this. I don't know what it means but I just feel very hopeful and at peace. Hopefully, that assumption won't be shattered into a million pieces. I just have to sit and wait and trust.

Honey just called a while ago and my estrogen is 604!!! She said it was really good!! Wooohooo!!! No wonder my ovaries have been thumping! I get to stay on the same doseage and I will see them on Friday!

Today was another scan day. Wooohooo! :) I waited a while, I guess they were running late because I got there at 11 when my appt was at 11:30 but I wanted to get there early hoping that they would get me in and out. But I didn't end up getting seen until about 11:50. Before then, I made sure I peed here at work around 9:45 am then when I got to the building there on the first floor THEN when the receptionist told me to empty out my bladder, I took the chance to pee again. I was going to make sure I DID NOT get tortured again! So back to the scan. She did it right away and much more less painful. It was uncomfortable but definately not like last time. I think the uncomfortableness is from my ovaries being stimulated. So I noticed she took a long time and took lots of pics. I got a little nervous actually because of the length of time she took. Then she told me I was done. She then said "have a nice day". I replied "Depends on what you saw", of course, after she closed the door. So I got dressed and I saw the screen and I could see a pic. It was 3 big black circles and then 3 little ones. I also saw "right ovary" and "left ovary" and a bunch of numbers. I figured they were my measurements. I got happy and excited!
So then Honey called me right back from the little waiting room when I was just in the good part of Harper's Jennifer Lopez interview from last summer. I went into the secret room and she said my ultrasound looked great! She said that I had 6 follies on my right ovary and 4 on my left. Woohoo! She said I had more but these were the measurable ones (over 10mm). She also said my lining was good at 8. She said to stay on the dosage I was on and that I would come in on Friday. I was very pleased with my results and feel very good right now. I know things can still go wrong but I seem to be doing very well so far. I really want to get good quality follies. I don't care if I don't get 20 but I really want to focus more on getting some GOOD ones.
Here are the measurements of my follies:

Right ovary:
13
12
12
11
11
10

Left ovary:
13
11
10
10

So now on to the sour news I got today. Time Warner is switching over to Comcast cable in 2007. I am not sure if its in effect on Jan 1, 2007 or what but its going to happen. Well Aaron called me and said that the insurance IS going to change. He of course looked up Infertility benefits and he wasn't too clear but I know that we will now have a lifetime max of $10,000 on treatment and $5000 on meds. I am happy that we will have SOME coverage but with TimeWarner we didn't have max's. I am feeling very pressured now and I am really really hoping that this will be the ONE IVF we have to do. I know that with $10,000 I might be able to get in 2 more IVF's if not for sure ONE. Insurance companies and physicians have different rates then they (physicians) give us the patients. Soo again, I am blessed that we have coverage but I am just scared because we now have a limit and after that, that's it! I prayed all the way to my appt and cried and cried. I told God how HE has to let this one work! I told him that I want to see His glory in this ONE IVF. I did recognize and told Him that He can do anything. I had NO coverage, whatsoever. IVF was a dream for me... If I ever would be able to do it, it would have to be in about 3 years or more. And He made it happen within MONTHS! I had given up hope, I had given up faith. I had nothing left. I just wanted to go to sleep forever to not feel anymore. And there is where He came and turned it all around. I am still in awe. He renewed my hope and faith and showed me, he indeed can DO anything! Praise God!

So I have my next appt on Friday. I will also go in on Saturday, then Monday and then my retrieval is scheduled for Wed. It could change but for now that's what it is. So close huh??

As I am typing this my little ovaries are striving! I am feeling all kinds of weird pulls and pains in both my ovaries! Thats a good thing I imagine. Hopefully my scan tomorrow will prove my predictions right. I am getting excited and I can't believe how fast these months have flown by! I read back on my blog and I see that I started in September. That seems sooo far away!
So I am feeling hopeful today. Maybe its the nervousness and the naiveness (is that a word?) of a newbie at IVF but I can't help it. I am disappointed in myself though because I haven't been taking care of myself as I thought I would. I haven't been exercising because I am exhausted by the time I get home. By 8:30 my eyes are starting to shut down. I am not overeating or anything but I could eat better but at least I have been eating more veggies, drinking LOTs of water and I have cut out caffeine. I just don't want to do something to put my body into shock but then again I want to treat my body different in this cycle. I am just going to keep going and hopefully the things I have done will pay off and the things I haven't done won't matter.

There goes my left ovary again!! :) I did my microdose ovidrel last night. (well Aaron did) It went good. As long as Aaron keeps injecting me, its all good! I am now up to 3 injections and my belly is now barely starting to bruise. Not pretty. Oh well, it will be all worth it. I guess Aaron's presence at my scan yesterday made an impact on him because he was sooo sweet last night. He was taking care of me and when I snapped a couple of times he just acted like nothing. He also wrote on our dry/erase board :

"Price of taking shots= pain
Price of ultrasounds= more pain
Price of doctor visits= $25
Price of birthdate of first baby= PRICELESS "

Hehe... I need to take a pic for my scrapbook. Too cute! Well, I am off to surf FF. I am soo obsessed with the TTC with Medical blah blah blah... They are so helpful there and answer all my weird and newbie ivf questions. Love them!

Sooo today was my first follicle check. Aaron was off so he headed to Houston with me. It was nice to have him there for support and what not. We headed out around 7:45 am and boy did I want to go back to bed! Aaron was tired too since he stayed up watching the Rockets rerun game. So we got there and I had to empty my bladder then I had to wait maybe 5 minutes. They took us back into the room and unfortunately I had the xray tech. Last time I had the nurse-xray tech which I really liked. She told me the other lady, which is only an xray tech would just do the u/s's and that was it. She on the other hand could talk to me and explain the screen right then and there. So Aaron was in there with me looking all interested. She turned off the lights and then inserted the dildo cam. Well, I had emptied my bladder but I guess not good enough (I had drank a small bottle of Aquafina and about 1/4 cup of decaf coffee prior so my trip to the ladies room must have not been enough). She asked me if I had emptied it, I told her I had. Well she proceeded to move the stupid dildo thing and OMG it hurt! Then she asks "have they ever had trouble finding your left ovary?" I told her "no." She told me to push down on my left side on my belly and FINALLY she found it! OMG. When she was in search of the missing ovary. OMG. It HURT. I was wiggling and groaning in pain!! Aaron said he saw me writhing and felt so bad. It HURT. Finally she photographed the old ovaries and told me to get dressed. OH and while we were in there, right after she stuck the dildo cam in, Aaron goes "So is that the baby?" Haha... making a joke, right? Nope, the tech said nothing. No laugh, no giggle, no answer. I laughed though! She was kind of sour I guess... Oh well.

So Honey then called me into the little "secrets" room where they tell you all the secretive stuff and she told me I had one follicle measuring 10mm on my left ovary and then a bunch of smaller ones. They only measure 10mm and up on the follicles. She told me it was normal and that everything looked perfect. I had blood drawn and just got my results back a while ago. My estrogen is up to a 142. She said it was good and told me that with PCOS, sometimes we start a little slow... Hmm, I thought she said it was good? She had told me to expect a level of 200 but then when she called it was 142. Hmm... She said by Wednesday it should be way up though and that we should be able to see alot more follies.

So I am happy. I am new to IVF so there are still things I don't get but I learn everyday. Oh and tonight I start my microdose ovidrel at 10 units. Yup, thats 3 injections for me!! YOWZA. Aaron says it will be all worth it. I hope so. He was laughing when I came out of the lab and hugged me and said "you get needles stuck in you all the time". Hehe, its true. I am a pin cushion!! We are praying that I don't have to go through this again, at least not for a couple of years until we are ready for our second child (or third ;) . Hopefully?

So the follistim went good. Aaron kept talking about why they had to do all that (pen like injection) and I told him I didn't know. Once he injected me, he knew. It's easy! It was painless except once he took the injection out it stung a bit but other than that it was all good. Soo now I am doing 2 injections a night.
The Lupron left me a bruise last night for the first time. I think he did it too close to my bellybutton and it hurt!! ouch! But he learned his lesson I guess.
We had a biggo fight last night before my shots!! Oh man, did we fight. It was over stupid stuff, me not feeling well, him not getting it... the same darn fight we have been having. We made up though but now I am left with the residue. I have puffy eyes (from crying) and my voice is all messed up (from screaming on the top of my lungs.. lol, yes, I screamed LOUD). I wish I was at home. At least tomorrow is Saturday so I will get to sleep in. Thank God.

Hey peeps! Yesterday evening was nice. We had our dinner (yum, again) and just talked. We are both happy to move forward in the ivf. I knew I would be okay but then again, anything can go wrong. Now, I am hoping that I stimulate. I hope I am not one who doesn't respond. But I trust that I will be fine.
So tonight I start my stims. "Stims" for short because they are the drugs that stimulate your ovaries into making the eggies. The one I am taking is Follistim Pen. The nurse taught me yesterday and I ran it through Aaron last night. Hopefully it goes okay. I hope it doesn't sting. With the Lupron (the shot I am doing now) sometimes it stings, sometimes it doesn't. Its been rare but there were 2 times the freaking needle bounced off of me!! I didn't feel it but I could tell it happened because Aaron looked at me as though he thought he broke me. Then the other night he used different needles then the ones in the Lupron box. They were still the insulin needles/syringes but Aaron said they looked a tad bigger. Well he injected me in the dart motion and the needle bounced and actually bent!!! He just said "what the..." I didn' t realize what had happened until he showed me the needle. I am so happy those needles are small! But overall they have been going great. Yesterday when I did my bloodwork it was a big needle! It hurt a bit but last night I noticed I bruised. Hmm, I told Aaron I am not too scared of needles anymore. I have been thinking about the progesterone in oil ones but not too much. I will deal with them once I get there. KWIM?
Sooo tonight I start my Follistim injection, I drop down to 5 units of Lupron (instead of 10) and I start the baby aspirin which help the blood flow of the uterus. Then on Monday I will start my 3rd injection- Microdose Ovidrel. That's alot huh???
Hopefully this is the one and only time I have to go through this. I really hope I get pregnant on my first try. It happens a lot but then it seems rare. I hope I am one that does get that positive!! I haven't decided whether or not I will test at home or just wait for my beta test. I can see why it would be good to find out the results at home and not through the phone (if it was a negative) that way I could cry and scream (yes, scream) at home if I wanted too. But if its positive I would love to be told over the phone. But then again, I do want to see those 2 lines on a test. I have NEVER seen two lines on a home pregnancy test so I think a change would do me some good. I still have a way to go though until test time. I haven't gotten my appt for my follow up ivf appt which is when I do my test but I guess that will come later once I do my retrieval. My retrieval date could always change and so can the transfer date.
Well, I am just rambling on and on... I am getting excited though!!

Sooo my nurse Honey called me during lunch time and my Estrogen level was 36! It should be under 50 so I am definately in!! YAY!!!!!!!
Aaron and I are celebrating tonight that so far everything is going beautifully. He is going to make steaks on the grill and I will make the potatoes and asparagus. YUM. I am so happy right now!

Soo my baseline ultrasound went GOOD! I got there right on time maybe 15 minutes early and they got me in right away. The u/s tech-nurse was great. Since she is a nurse and a tech she can share the results with me right then and there unlike the u/s tech which can't. She said my lining was a 5 and that it would get thicker as we go. She said I had no big cysts and that everything was ready to go! I got b/w done for Estrogen and my nurse will call me back today to let me know my levels which I think should be fine since I have never had a problem before. We went over the Follistim Pen and it seems very easy. The needle is scary but small. YEEHAAW! We are doing this!!!
Soo I am to start stimming tomorrow and also add baby aspirin. I am to also drop down to 5 units of Lupron tomorrow night. Today is 2 weeks exactly from estimated egg retrieval date! Isn't that close??

Sooo today was such a better day emotionally! I had a nervous breakdown yesterday when I got home. Aaron was ready to go on our date but I got in my pj's and sunk in the couch. Then we talked (well I yelled) and I got all my vents and frustrations out. *sigh* We did argue but then once I told him he NEEDS to be more understanding he stopped and I guess remembered what I am going through. He told ME to put myself in his shoes (putting up with ME) and I said WHOA! PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES BUDDY! I am shooting myself up daily, I am menopausal, I am on a HEAVY AF, I am cramping, I am having to pop 4 horsepills a day, I am about to start another shot, I am going to start getting the dildo camera up my hoohaa almost daily... I am just WEEKS away from ER and ET. I am STRESSED. NOW PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES... !!! WHAT DO YOU DO?? YOU GET TO HAVE AN ORGASM AND WATCH THE IVF SHOW! THAT'S IT!!!! WTH???
Well I guess that did the trick because he totally changed after that. He apologized and was sweet. I also told him "I am sorry for even saying this but I need to say it, but I feel that if I want to be a baby and whine and cry or get pissed, I have the right to. I feel this time should be ALL about me!!!" I know that sounds selfish but I feel like I freaking deserve it. I am in one of the most stressful times in my life right now and hell if I want to freak out I can and I WILL.
Soo to add on to the craziness we got our property taxes statement yesterday! OMG is all I can say. It about doubled PLUS more in the last year!!!! Yikes! Then our car needs some major fixing up. We had thought it would be around $1400 which we have $1200 now for that specific purpose but turns out NOPE, it needs more work! So our grand total is $2200! This is Christmas time. Grrr..So that I think that is what set me off yesterday. Aaron called me and was soo calm about the car thing that it bothered me a bit. Then he went to the freaking movies! Grrr... So I was bawling yesterday telling Aaron how maybe we shouldn't be doing IVF now because we are going to be poor. lol Aaron actually laughed at me. I am sure I looked silly. I remember saying "how will we have $$ for 2 cribs?? My poor babies" hehe At least I was being positive and optimistic! He told me we would be alright and then hugged me and that made me feel 100% better. How funny that security can make a girl calm down.
I told Aaron too, what are you going to do when I am PG or in menopause or when our teen daughters have their periods?? He freaks out and thinks I am from outspace or something when I am hormonal. It makes me mad! My dad had 3 daughters and when we would get our periods he would go get us our pads and some fruit cocktails. We LOVED that and he knew it would make us feel better. (I love my daddy) So Aaron freaking out is equivalent to being a selfish, cold hearted snake compared to my sweet daddy during my period. He has a rude awakening if he has some daughters PLUS me on the old AF. HA!

So just venting. I am excited for TOMORROW! Woohooo! I can't wait to see how my lining and my little ovaries look.

So today was a bad day. I am telling you, Mondays are BAD for me. I hate the fact that Aaron is off on Monday's instead of Saturdays. When he worked Mon- Fri we would go out on Saturdays during the day. It was nice. Now that he works Tue- Sat I am off by myself and usually spend my day cleaning or shopping (which I have stopped since I was spending too much $$ so now its just cleaning). Well when he is off, he goes fishing with some friends, or goes to breakfast with another friend or goes to the movies by himself. I guess I wish we could be off together so we could do stuff again. Granted, we do have a date night which are Monday nights. But usually my date consists of going out to stuff my face and sometimes a movie. I get BORED really quick.
But anyway, I am just having a grumpy depressing day. I was crying during lunch. I hate this process. I hate how I feel. I hate feeling so nervous. I hate being scared of what is coming. I am just tired and wish I was pregnant to get this all over. Psh...and even when I am PG I will be nervous that I will miscarry or that something is wrong with the baby. It never ends.
Then the stupid Lupron gives me headaches every single day. I am NOT exaggerating. I am also STILL on my period. It the witch is heavy! I am on day 5 and its still heavy as heck and I am still cramping. Soo I am menopausal (thanks to Lupron) and ragging. What a great combination.
Soo back to Aaron. I think I get set off on any little thing and so I need to blame somebody and he is there. I decided to write him a letter today of how I feel he is failing me and what I need from him right now but once I wrote it I started to cry because I realize he does ALL the things I wrote! He rubs my belly when I am cramping, he rubs my belly after the shots, he rubs my feet, he writes me little notes on our dry/erase board, he brings me flowers... Soo then what is it that I want? I don't even know. Its like I am feeling all these emotions but don't know how to express them or to explain myself. I am just a big ball of blah.
I am nervous of my upcoming appt on Wednesday. I hope and pray that everything is normal and I can go on in my cycle. Then I start my next shot on Thursday. But from what I hear the next shot is the hormone FSH which should "normal" my hormones out. Since right now I am in menopause, this next shot should balance me. I hope so!!!

Soo on my ivf schedule, it has all the dates and stuff that will happen on those dates. Well around the 3rd of Nov it estimated I would get my menses. Well I got mine on the 2nd of Nov. But I am a bit worried as she is very normal. My period usually starts light then heavy heavy heavy then light again. Well on FF alot of women there say that they barely got a period or that it was non existent during this phase of the cycle. (after bcp's and during lupron) Well mine is heavy as usual and I am left wondering whether that is a good thing or not. It could be good because so far during this cycle I have gotten everything perfectly, just in time. But then I think, if its so heavy, does it mean the lupron isn't working. Grrr, I am worried. :( I am sure it will be fine. Everything seems to be going right on schedule.

Not to mention, dang, these cramps hurt! It is normal for me but I hate cramping. I am still in my pj's and I got up about 2 hours ago. I need to take a shower and then I will probably lay around until the birthday party comes around. I also ate pancakes and drank chocolate milk. It made me feel a little better. :)

Hello! Long time no see. (J/K) Soo today was my first day birth control pill free! Woohoo! It felt great. I can't stand having to take a pill everyday. I do have to take Metformin twice a day though and I hate it too! And these are big pills and 2 each time I take them (4 pills a day). YUCK. But at least no more birth control...

Soo last night I had a dream. It was weird and kind of funny. I dreamt that we had let in a skunk into the house. He was a cute little skunk though. The dogs got used to him quickly. He didn't stink or let out his stinky juice. He would cuddle up with me and I would pet him. (makes me wanna hurl thinking about it now) Well the next day in my dream, I ask Aaron where he is. I couldn't find him and the dogs were there in the house. I figured he was with them but he wasn't. Soo Aaron starts looking for him and finds him under our couch. DEAD. He had been cut and had blood coming out of him. The dogs didn't bite him though. I just knew it in my head. It was gross. Soo it was weird, depressing and gross.

Then I have been having dreams of how to sleep. I know, weird. The first one was that I knew I had twins in my belly so I couldn't lay on my stomach anymore. In real life, I kept avoiding sleeping on my stomach thinking of the babies....
Then I dreamt (more like a daydream at night...weird) that I had 2 embryo's in me and that I was just thinking about it and sort of talking to them.
Hmm...

So I was looking at the calendar and I am shocked!! I am 3 weeks away exactly from my estimated egg retrieval. YIKES! That is close! I am slowly counting down the weeks and days but at the same time I am counting down pretty quickly.

I asked Aaron the other night during dinner what he thought of me during this process. As far as, how have I been acting, how does he perceive me.. He responded saying that I was peaceful, that I seemed happy and just relaxed. I asked him if he remembers me having breakdowns and he said yes! I remember just getting home and crying and crying. Or being in a bad mood all weekend. Or once I even stayed in bed for 2 days STRAIGHT! I am not exaggerating!!! I was crying and crying. Its sad, really.
I told him I feel very hopeful. I feel that God has led me here to this place RIGHT now. I feel as He has opened the doors and everything is coming together for this moment. Our insurance, our plans, our house, our marriage. Everything. That leaves me with the fear of being wrong. If this doesn't work out I will be devasted. I know its only my first time, and I know that I have other tries.... I know I am young but still. I feel like God is telling me "this is your time". If I am wrong then that will crush me, that I was wrong all this time. But I am going to trust in God. I am going to go with my feelings and just run with them.

Soo its lunch time but I am not eating. Darn it. I am actually fasting with Aaron until Saturday. We are fasting until 2 pm everyday and praying about our cycle at least 5 minutes an hour. Hopefully God hears our prayers...