So today was a bad day. I am telling you, Mondays are BAD for me. I hate the fact that Aaron is off on Monday's instead of Saturdays. When he worked Mon- Fri we would go out on Saturdays during the day. It was nice. Now that he works Tue- Sat I am off by myself and usually spend my day cleaning or shopping (which I have stopped since I was spending too much $$ so now its just cleaning). Well when he is off, he goes fishing with some friends, or goes to breakfast with another friend or goes to the movies by himself. I guess I wish we could be off together so we could do stuff again. Granted, we do have a date night which are Monday nights. But usually my date consists of going out to stuff my face and sometimes a movie. I get BORED really quick.
But anyway, I am just having a grumpy depressing day. I was crying during lunch. I hate this process. I hate how I feel. I hate feeling so nervous. I hate being scared of what is coming. I am just tired and wish I was pregnant to get this all over. Psh...and even when I am PG I will be nervous that I will miscarry or that something is wrong with the baby. It never ends.
Then the stupid Lupron gives me headaches every single day. I am NOT exaggerating. I am also STILL on my period. It the witch is heavy! I am on day 5 and its still heavy as heck and I am still cramping. Soo I am menopausal (thanks to Lupron) and ragging. What a great combination.
Soo back to Aaron. I think I get set off on any little thing and so I need to blame somebody and he is there. I decided to write him a letter today of how I feel he is failing me and what I need from him right now but once I wrote it I started to cry because I realize he does ALL the things I wrote! He rubs my belly when I am cramping, he rubs my belly after the shots, he rubs my feet, he writes me little notes on our dry/erase board, he brings me flowers... Soo then what is it that I want? I don't even know. Its like I am feeling all these emotions but don't know how to express them or to explain myself. I am just a big ball of blah.
I am nervous of my upcoming appt on Wednesday. I hope and pray that everything is normal and I can go on in my cycle. Then I start my next shot on Thursday. But from what I hear the next shot is the hormone FSH which should "normal" my hormones out. Since right now I am in menopause, this next shot should balance me. I hope so!!!