U/S and B/W this morning. I am waiting on my E2 results.

Here are my measurements..

R side:
22,22
21
20
19, 19, 19
17
16
15

L side:
22
19
16
15, 15
14



I had a BUNCH of smaller ones but Dr. didn't write those down for me. I was brave and asked him if he would consider prescribing me some Valium for transfer and I got it!! I told him I need to be relaxed so he said that was fine.
He did give me the OHSS speech. Since I have sooo many follies he said that could be a possibility but that they are monitoring me.
He said depending on my E2 level, I could go one more night of stims but that he thinks I will trigger tonight.. we'll see.
I am pleased that my left side caught up a bit. Its still being lazy but there is *some* action going on. Its been thumping, thats for sure!
I am a bit worried about my lining though. He said it was great but I can't help but to compare. My first cycle my lining was a 13 right before trigger!! For my FET cycle my lining was a 9. Well I got a bfp with the 13 and a bfn with the 9. Of course, that probably isn't the reason WHY I got a bfn but still.... this time around my lining has stayed a 9 or 10. I know that is still considered optimal but I want the 13 again!! Waa!

I started to think today about all this and I had a sense of fear come over me. This could NOT work and I am not sure how I will handle that. My due date is coming up (aug 16) and the closer it gets the more stressed I feel. I do try not to think about it because I want to be hopeful for this cycle. I am just scared of bfn. I am scared that I was lucky the first time and that was it. I pray and pray that this is it for us.

Hugs to all my girls going through ivf right now. Its not that bad but then again it is. I was telling Aaron that sometimes I feel like I could do this how many times it takes (20 ivfs anyone?) but then I feel like this is it. I am through! Sooo many emotions, so many fears, so many doubts, so many letdowns... then we get excited, hopeful, and *gasp* we actually believe this could work?!?! Its crazy times thats for sure. So hugs to all of you going through this with me and even those that have or will go through this. Only we understand what its like. I wish none of us had to resort to ivf to get pg but thats just the way it is. I try NOT to think about "its not fair" and just focus on what is in front of my face. No pity parties but just moving along.

Well I'm off to wait on "the CALL". Should be in the next half hour. *sigh*