Okay so today I finally cried. Only for about 5 minutes but still it felt good.

Other than that I am okay. I was a bit pissy today though and I guess I have the right.

I wonder what RE will say. I hope he doesn't bring up donor sperm since dh's guys didn't look to good. Aaron and I have talked about it but I don't think I am okay with it. He has said if if came down to it that he would consider it but I am just not comfortable with it. I don't know why.
I have pictured mine and Aaron's children since the day I fell in love with him. I always daydream about how my son will look like his daddy, his smile, his hair, his talents, his goofiness. It scares me to have to give that up. I know I'd love a baby no matter where he/she came from but its that bond that I want between my husband and I. To know that we made something together and know that that child will have part of me and part of him. I am just not ready to give that up. That's what made me cry today.

Also on Friday night (after I found out sister's baby shower was Sunday), I totally had a breakdown. I mean seriously, a breakdown. I was crying and just hypervenilating. Aaron was freaked out but it started with him and I arguing. I guess I'd argue with anybody that day so it wasn't him exactly. I just felt so much pressure and so much anger that I had to let it out. I cried and cried. The baby shower, my sister, the m/c, the suspected ivf bfn just came falling down on me.

Once it was over Aaron told me we'd do everything possible. I think he is really starting to get concerned.

Anyways, maybe that is why I was okay yesterday and why I've only cried 5 minutes since getting bfn. I guess I let it out on Friday. Anybody else feel this way sometimes? Like you physically can't take it anymore??? Or am I a drama queen??

Well I've also been looking for accupuncture around here. Aaron isn't very fond of me doing it but hey, for my last FET I want to do something different. Hopefully I have enough time. I will call them some more tomorrow. It's very expensive and I have no discount (I thought I did with my insurance) but I am sure I won't regret it. Especially if it gets me a bfp, right?

I am also confirming my coverage with IUI's. My clinic's financial rep said I had unlimited IUI's. That sounds great but today I called my insurance company to check how much I've used out of my $10K max and I am already at amost $6K. That is including the FET back in March and this past IVF. Sooo I really really need to make sure that IUI won't fall under that $10K max. I need to save what I can from that for our next IVF. If the IUI's are seperate than we will do those after FET (if needed of course) to pass the time and to hopefully dodge that bullet. All this financial crap has me a bit stressed but we'll figure it out!