Sooooo I've been totally researching adoption although I am still learning. I've gone back and forth!
It's weird because about a year ago or even 6 months ago, when I thought of adoption, I literally would cry even almost gasp for air. It was like my VERY VERY last resort. I would start feeling like I was going to freak out or have a temper tantram as I'd tell God "Please God, please!! I don't want to have to adopt". It was like I couldn't even imagine myself having to adopt.
Well here I am researching and learning and asking for information packets. Yup, I have 2 being sent my way. Now, I know IF we did adopt we wouldn't start paperwork until the end of next year or even 2009. But I can't believe that this woman who is entering "domestic infant adoption in texas" or "christian adoption agencies" or "foster to adoption programs in texas" is ME. Wow!! I keep going home and just telling Aaron "Let's just adopt, let's forget about ivf, iui's and fet's.. let's just be parents". Surprisingly, he is about 80% on board. He still wants to "try" as do I but I really feel like adoption isn't my last resort, it's another option I can take towards parenthood.

Who knows what this life has in store for me. I never imagined that I'd get pg one day, to see those beautiful pink lines (even purple as I got further along) but I did. I never thought I'd do IVF but I did, 2 times. I never thought I'd EVER consider adoption but I am and very seriously.

So the reason for my post... Time changes all. Time changes one's belief's sometimes, even one's morals. Time changes the hurt after a heartbreak. Time changes love into deeper love or no love. Time changes our physical bodies from great tight beautiful skin to old and wrinkled skin. Time changes our goals, our dreams. Time changes our positions in the world, we move up on the ladder or sometimes move down. Time changes all. Time changed my mind, my belief, my desire.
Time wasn't all. My desire to be a mother is so strong that it is overcoming my biggest fear of never having biological children. That desire has overtaken me and now, it's not so bad if I never experience pg. I mean, I WANT to but so what if I didn't. So what?? The moment I hold my child in whatever way he/she comes, OMG... it will be a "FINALLY" moment. I am not going to think about how this child isn't my blood or is my blood, I am just going to think "FINALLY".
Just like in my dream!

I've decided to start Estrace sometime in January. I need to call my clinic as the time approaches. I want to do FET in February. Not sure why but I do. I haven't even told Aaron yet lol. He is getting ansy though too about all this which has helped me alot to not feel so alone. Aaron used not be so vocal about children maybe because he didnt' want to talk about it or maybe because he just didn't want them that bad but if you hear him now, wow, time changes all!! I'm telling ya! It's crazy...

Well sending out thoughts and prayers to Amy's trio!