Okay, so I am over my pity party! I am officially over the moon!!

First off, I want to "publicly" thank God. He is soooo good!! I am just in awe of His work and how much He loves me. I know that I have complained and mumbled "why me's" but now I see why and I see Him at work in my life. Infertility has brought me to a place of isolation. The type of isolation that no ONE, NO ONE, can fathom but you. I am brought to a place of lonliness. A place of great sadness. Darkness. A place that I have given the title of "Journey with God". That's the only title I can think of that can describe my situation and how I feel about it. I have been on this journey for 3 years +! Of course, Aaron is right there but as said before alot of times he doesn't get it. That's when I go into my prayer closet and vent to the Lord. Or cry. Or scream. ;)

I visualize myself walking down a dark, dusty road all by myself in a white but dirty, thin, above-the-knee dress... barefoot. A looooooong road that is lonely and cold. I never see the sun, only darkness. But before I can even "think" that I am all by myself, I remember, God is right here with me. There is nobody that I can hitch a ride with since it's an abandoned road. There is nobody's cell phone that I can use to call Aaron or anybody to come and get me. It's just me and God. I have no choice but to talk to Him. I have no choice but to ask him, where do I go? What path do you want me to take? I am at a crossroad. Which one do I take? Do I stop and rest or keep going? Do I quit all together and just wait to die? Will I make it?
Now God might not always answer me. I might not even feel Him there. But He is. And deep in my heart I know He is. My mind might tell me, "NO He isn't, you are all alone. There are sooo many other things that are way MORE important than this." But a voice in my heart says "Yes, I am right here. I am right here with you. I won't leave you. I will walk with you just trust in ME." And so I go down the road and just wait to hear His direction. Along the road I also thank Him for the things that I do have. My sight that helps me see Him, my determination. My trust. My loved ones. I thank Him for letting me take this dark and dirty road all by myself. There is NO way I would have asked Him, or let Him guide me in one of the most importand decisions of my life if I wasn't here on the road. I would have just taken it for granted. I would have just said "thanks again" and moved on. I would be the same Diana I was 5 years ago. I wouldn't be so grateful to Him for the things He has done so far. I would't have a tremondous trust in Him that I have in my heart that nobody can shake, not even my crazy mind. I wouldn't have called out to Him. I wouldn't be able to say "I praised Him in the worst times of my life, it might had been a squeal of a praise, or a whisper because I had NO strength to do so, but I praised Him. I praised Him! I praise HIM now. " I can't possible take that back or wouldn't even dare change that for a bit! I always tell Him, that I will remember this road. Even if I come to the end and finally get to my destination, I will remember. I will not take it for granted. He has held my hand, he has lifted my chin and dried my tears so many times that I can't forget it. It is etched in my heart. It is tatooed on my heart. It is written in blood in my heart. He forever has changed me all because we were on that dark road, just me and Him.

Secondly, I just want to write about how excited I am! I am soo happy and am looking forward to this IVF procedure. I have thought over what Dr. Dunn said like a million times and I can't help but to catch his enthusiasm. I prayed for him and how I want him to take in account my best interest. I prayed that God would watch over him and that he would guide him in treating me. I am a child of God which is the King of kings. I expect the best!

I just dropped of my prescription earlier. I will pick it up today after work. So I will now be taking 5 pills a day! Yowza! 4 Glucophage XR and one birth control pill.

Yup, birth control. How funny and ironic?? Well bcp's are to get my cycle ready and regulated before getting on drugs. They also help with the cysts and get me to start AF in a regular time. Soo thats what I am doing for now. I will take them for a month and then once my AF (aunt flow- or period) comes I will call and go to a class on the drugs (shots) and how to give the shots. Soo its moving pretty fast. My egg retrieval will be in end of Nov or early December. Soo I might just have my bfp (big fat positive- test) by Christmas. You can't tell but that makes me smile just thinking about it. :)

So thats it for now... I will update when needed or come here to vent. hehe