So I wonder if I am the only one that thinks thoughts like mine. With all this IVF crap going on, I am starting to see things differently. My marriage, my house, myself, my dh, my family, etc... Me and Aaron fought yesterday and we said some mean things to each other. I, of course, act all big and hard when he says stuff so that he thinks that I don't care. But once I am settled down, my mind starts racing and I reflect on the things that were said. Aaron can be a drama king. Yes, I am too but HELLO, last time I checked I had a vagina! I am a woman! Of course I am a drama queen. He seems to think I am a freak and that he is the only one with a wife who nags and pesters him to do certain things... He just pisses me off!
But anyway, I am wondering what this whole IVF can and will do to our marriage. We don't have a perfect one (there is NO such thing) nor a horrible one. We just struggle with certain areas of my and his character. He tries to change the things he doesn't like about me and so do I, to him. I think I have grasped the "unconditional love" thing but I don't think he has...yet. Well this has me thinking. Bringing a child into the world is scary. I guess most couples (fertile ones) don't really think about it as long as I have. Most fertile couples are so ecstatic and elated when they get the news and just start baby planning. I least I picture it that way.
With the 3 years + that I have under my belt, I think of everything. I wonder if I am strong enough for IVF, I wonder if Aaron is. I wonder if he truly wants a child or is it just to make me happy... I wonder if our marriage is going to last. I really don't want to be left with a child or children all by myself. I wonder if dh will leave me widowed. I am crazy, huh?
I guess I am a paranoid person.. (nah, really? Could have tricked me!) It's just all these stupid thoughts that normal fertile people probably have AFTER they are pregnant therefore have no choice but to deal and get over it. I on the other hand, wonder, should I be doing IVF? Should I just wait? Should I go ahead? Are me and Aaron ready??
((!!scream!!))