The bleeding has stopped and I think it's brought closure. Today was actually a good day. I talked at work, I ate something good, I came home in a good mood, etc. Of course, yesterday I had a HUGE cry here all by myself while everyone else was at work but I felt so good afterwards. I am feeling hopeful again and I even told myself that I was going to have a baby soon. I went to Target and walked through the baby aisle and bought 2 cute onsies. I know, but I couldn't resist. The thought of "I actually got PG" came to my mind and it made me smile. I actually can say that I had a baby in there which is something that I thought was impossible.
I have my follow up appt with Dr. Dunn on Monday (a week from today) and I am excited. I want to see what the plan is. I want to get some dates down so I can start counting down the weeks/days whatever. I did that during IVF and it kept me looking forward to the next time I would see the doc or start a new med.
I really hope that I don't have to wait too long but I don't want to rush into it either. I want to do this right and give my body the best chance of PG again so whatever it takes to heal. As long as I get my schedule.. I will be okay.
I miss my little baby so much. I do. It still breaks my heart but I know that he is in Heaven. I am also waiting to hear about the results of the testing they were going to do to see what went wrong. I honestly feel that that would give me closure and give me the courage to accept the miscarriage so much better. I just hate wondering "what if I did this" or "I should have done this". If something was wrong with our baby, then I can have peace of mind that it was out of our control and it was best. KWIM?
Anyway, I will update more later.