Yipeee! We are one week away as of today. Wow, time has gone by FAST. As I look at the hours of the day, yes, they seem to drag on but when I see that weeks or days have gone by, it seems FAST. I remember just taking my provera pills the other day?

Tomorrow is my u/s. I am a little nervous but I am sure it will go good. All it is is a quick check of my lining to make sure its thick enough. I believe my clinic wants it over 8mm. During IVF, it got to the point of 13mm towards the end! Hopefully the Estrace tablets did their job right? I am not sure if I get to see the nurse or not... I guess so since she could give me my results right then and there.

The days are going fast (I already said that!) and my actual transfer is creeping up. Yes, I am excited, VERY excited! But I am also terrified. I had a breakdown last night. I think its the first one so far so that is good. It's all overwhelming and now with a miscarriage under my belt, it's even more scarier then when I was doing my fresh cycle. So many things can go wrong and I am totally aware of it now more than ever. But what can I do? I told Aaron that I just have to do it. I can't let my fear stop me. Even if it's a bfn, at least I tried right? I could just sit around and let my embies chill in the lab but what good will that do? It's not like me and Aaron could get pg naturally so why waste time?? I am turning 28 in May. I hate that I am getting older and I have no kids. That was not the plan. I hate feeling left out when women get together. Usually kids always comes up in the conversation and most likely is the focus of the conversation. I have nothing to contribute. Nothing. I don't have any stories, no experiences, no input.
We went to a party on Saturday night and my cousin and a girl I just met (both in early 30s) were talking and of course like always, the conversation shifted to schools and more crap about their kids. I literally walked out and went outside to hang out with Aaron which was with the guys. Or I hang out with the teens who I get along with great! I hate feeling like I am alone. There aren't many women like me- infertile. They are around but usually we know WAY more fertiles then infertiles, am I right?
It just sucks and like I told Aaron, I am ready for this journey to END. I want closure!!