So the sister is still here. I have to admit that I feel guilty because I know that I am avoiding her, she knows it and I don't say anything about it. I also find myself being negative in the conversations I have with her about her situation (just got married in January but already wants a divorce... hmm, can I say I told you so??? Gosh, I could see this so clear back in November/Dec. when she announced she was marrying him) and her possible being a single mother. I also don't think its fair to my parents that once her husband gets deployed in October, she will come live with them and take the upstairs of their house (big master suite) once my OTHER sister moves out because she is getting married. My parents were going to finally be alone and now she is coming with a new baby and most likely my parents will pick up her slack. I still can't see my sister as a mom. She is very short tempered and impatient person. She is also very emotional and seems emotionally unstable at times. I truly feel sorry for my mother as I know she will be the most affected by this. I know my mom would do the same for me though so I know that my mom is in a situation where she is just being a mom herself. Its still not fair to me. Whether or not she gets divorced, this is the plan as she says she will not stay "home" by herself while her husband is away so she wants to come back...
Its all a very tangled mess that my sister got in and she tells me all the time that she wish she could wake up the day before they got hitched at the courthouse and undo it all... unfortunately she can't, well she can undo the marriage but not the child she is carrying. This guy has 2 other children with 2 other women and now my sister is the 3rd.. *sigh* I told her not to end up one of his baby's mommas!!! Ugh.. so ghetto I swear...

Anyway, ... see how negative I am??? I guess I feel so strong about it because not only does it hurt me personally to see my sister in such a mess PG, but also because I truly feel that my sisters life is going to change in a manner and that she has absolutely no clue. My sister was so independent, so proud, and I knew she was determined. She was in school and worked HARD working full time PLUS school full time (hasn't finished yet) and now it seems like it sort of all went to waste. Now I know I sound like I am a hateful future aunt but I am sure I will love this baby so much but it just sucks for my little sister. I know she imagined her life totally different then where she is now.
I tell her that everything will be okay but I know its going to be hard. I know that its going to stress my parents out and I know that my sister is going to suffer through it but in the end, she will make it.

As for me, I have b/w this Thursday to check my progesterone (HA! I don't EVER ovulate) just for kicks per RE and that way I can get my provera and start popping them. I guess he wants me to have regular af's and Lord knows that doesn't happen without the help of my old friend Pro(vera).
Once I get af then I will schedule my sonohysteragram since I asked RE if he could check out the old uterus for anything and everything. I am concerned with what it looks like after the d&c. I never showed any signs of infection so that is why we never did one but I just want peace of mind and he agreed to it so there.
Once that is done then I wait for af again and BAM. I start bcps all over again along with Lupron... Yeah, its not that far away!!! Yipeee!

This weekend Aaron, me and my friends daughter (Mailey) went to the circus. It was so much fun and and Mailey had an awesome time. It was her first circus (she will be 3 in May) and was so aware and alert at everything. She even rode a pony and was just cracking up! I see Aaron with her and it makes my heart flutter because he does so well with her. I sometimes like to imagine that she is ours and I know that when people see us 3 together (people who don't know us) they think we are a family. They look at us with such tenderness and a look of "awww". It's kind of funny but sweet because for a second I can pretend to have that family I dream of so much. I sometimes think that Aaron feels the same exact way. He treats her as if he was hers and in public I am sure they look my daddy and daughter. Its all bittersweet... I want him to carry our child like that and walk her like that and buy her popcorn and cotton candy like that.
Its funny to pretend but then the reality sets in and I want to scream out PLEASE LORD let us have our children that we long for. Please.
I have been telling myself how I will be a great mom. Aaron sees me with Mailey and he tells me all the time. It makes this girl feel GOOD let me tell you..
Now I need to get PG!!!!