Guess I haven't had much to say but now that I think about it, lots has been going on.. sorta.

First of all, I got my pool! I ended up getting the inflattable huge one because I didn't want to bother with the sand and leveling but turns out, this pool will need it to. We put it up but its lopsidded. It will stay that way this year (still useable and still big) but Aaron says that next year he will put it up better. We will see... I haven't got in since Sunday so I am looking forward to it this weekend!

My sister is still here.. I believe she is leaving tomorrow. She had her u/s yesterday to which my mom went. My sister came over last night and showed me the picture. She said the baby was moving alot blah blah. I am sooo distant from her its not even funny. I tell Aaron I try but its no use. He gets mad because he says my sister is just inconsiderate with certain comments and doesn't think about others, only herself. I guess I can see his view but again, she is my sister and she feels she can come to me about her pregnancy. I just try not to get too involved and I when she talks I listen but not really. I feel bad for her because I am sure it hurts her but what can I do. I am avoiding all pg women, all babies... and my sister just happens to fall under that category.

So Mother's Day is coming up. Can I just say how much I HATE this holiday???? I am sure if I ever have children I will not feel so much rage against it and I hope that I can remember these times when I desperately wanted to have children and be SO greatful for the kids I have. Its just a funky day for me.. I usually spend it in bed bawling and Aaron tries to convince me to go to church which I would end up going except for last year.. This year, I am staying home for SURE again. I will think of my baby and how I was a mother, even for a short while. Actually I am still a mom as our baby is still and forever will be tattooed in my heart. But of course, nobody can see my baby and nobody will actually acknowledge me as a mother so I rather not face the world. The years before when we'd be at church I'd spend most of the time bawling in a back room anyway so who the hell cares if I do it at home. I am sure Aaron doesn't look forward to it either as he knows how I get. Again, it sucks!

On the ivf front I started provera up yesterday. I am 5 days behind from when I was supposed to start due to a lab set back but an extra week isn't going to kill me. I am eating better and have been trying to exercise when I can. I am back to my original weight when I started ivf#1. I had gained some weight during pregnancy (like 6 lbs) and had a hard time fitting into my favorite jeans for a looooong time. I finally fit back into them easily so now I am on to losing regular extra weight. I am hoping for 15-20lbs in the 2 months. I know its alot but I am going to try...
Thats it!