Today is my birthday. Although the "Happy Birthdays" are nice, I am not feeling very happy at all! Dh made me a "super" breakfast (what he calls it, he's so silly) consisting of 2 pancakes, 2 BIG fat sausage patties, 2 biscuits and 2 eggs! YOWZA! Super is right! I am trying to eat better so I ate one pancake and some of one of the patties. That was enough. I put the rest in the microwave as I was in a rush. He had also put out some roses (very pretty colors by the way) and 2 cards, one from him and one from the furbabies. He is silly!! He always does that. I think he got me something else (jewelry??) but am not to sure.
Now others might say "wow!" what a great birthday but honestly I am just feeling very down today. I felt like crying most of the day and when my mom called I broke down but she didn't hear me. I am just getting older although I know I am still young (28) but the years have been going by fast for me. Since I turned 25 the years some more like 6 months. Before I know it another year has passed. I am sure I will be 30 before I know it. It isn't the actual number that bothers me but more the number PLUS being childless. Again, I know I am still considered young (I don't want to be inconsiderate to ladies that are older than me) but my life is NOT the way I wanted and there is nothing I can do about it. Who cares about the plans I had? I actually thought I'd be working on my 2nd child by now.. I wanted to be done at 30 years old... *SCREAM* Its just sad that you can never repeat time. I can never be in my early 20's or mid 20's and now my late 20's. I just don't feel grown up all the way I guess but I KNOW that I am 28. Does that make sense? I guess to me a woman is a mother. I don't have the responsibility that most women my age have. I don't have the bond with Aaron that most marriages have once they have children so I sort of feel like an old teenager.
Whatever. Aaron planned dinner for me with all of my family tonight. It should be nice and I plan to cheat a bit tonight. I want some STEAK! YUM! Maybe I will drown my sorrow in some steak! hehe
When will this end??? When????????????????????