Whew!! I made it!! Wow, what a day. I am beat.

I decided to change my mentality for this whole baby shower thing. I decided to put all my attention on my upcoming nephew, not on myself or ttc. I detached every emotion that comes with baby showers when ttc. It worked.
On Saturday I went shopping and bought my sister the bedding and the little bath tub thing. I also bought an outfit and some little nike shoes. I was proud of myself and my gifts.
Then today again, I just detached myself from it all and just focused on her. It saved me! I even hosted some of the games!!! I did feel myself slipping into pity party mode when she started opening the gifts but I quickly went and found my something to do.
I am glad its over and that I don't have to face anymore babyshowers for a long time.

So tomorrow is beta. I am not too excited. I feel it's a waste of time and gas but whatever. I would love to be surprised and I did allow myself to play around with that thought but not for too long. I don't EVEN want to get my hopes up, not even a little bit. That's the worse!!

My boobs don't hurt anymore and I feel normal so I really really think I am out now for sure. Oh well... what can you do?? I just have to face it, deal with it and get over it. I am ready to go see our RE at our follow up and plan our FET. We still have 2 frozen blasts from ivf#1 so that is the next step. That actually excites me more than the freaking beta tomorrow! I hate to think about next ivf because it will be my last partially paid (insurance). I plan to head out to Dallas to the SIRM clinic. They have great success rates and they do deeper testing than my RE here. I minus well go all out with a bang right??

If that fails then I plan to go into a shared risk program here in Houston out of pocket. Hopefully I still qualify after all these darn failed cycles though. We'll see where this road takes us. Yesterday I felt like giving up but today I feel that nothing will stop me. It's confusing but I just go with the flow.

I will update asap here tomorrow. I know alot of people are supporting me and are waiting on my results. I want to say thank you for following up on me and for being there. It puts a big smile on my face to know that people whom I've never met care this much about me.

Until tomorrow!!