I swear everytime I start to feel better about all this, something happens and takes my peace away.
My mom called earlier and mentioned my PG sister. They talked and my sister shared with my mom how she feels about all this (me and her). She said she feels very bad and that she doesn't want to hurt me. She understands why I stay away but at the same time it makes her sad that we can't share this. She feels guilty sometimes about her pg and wishes things were different. She also told my mom that she feels bad when she comes down here to visit. She says that she also knows my parents are in a tough situation with her being pg and me losing the baby and trying. My mom was crying telling me this as I can imagine how hard it is on her to have her 2 daughters in this situation.
Sooo my mom was supposed to throw my sister her baby shower in September. I had planned to help and just be happy for my sister.
My mom tells me today that my sister won't be coming down in September afterall. I don't know what changed but she won't be able to make it. So my mom has changed the baby shower to NOW since my sister will be here for a week or so. Next weekend will be super busy for my parents as they have special guests coming up (they are pastors) and will have to drive them, take them to eat, etc for the whole weekend. So my mom decided that this Sunday will be the baby shower and wanted to let me know.
Um, are you serious??? I am doing my damn beta this MONDAY. Do you know how nervous and crazy I am going???? I am already expecting a bfn but it will be official on Monday. How can I possibly make an appearance at my sister's baby shower while I am ONE freaking day away from a most likely negative beta?? HOW? If it was next weekend, then I can deal but this SUNDAY? My goodness... I feel like crap when I think about not going to my own sister's baby shower but come on, how? I had already imagined Sunday would be a day of lots of crying and anxiety. How can I go in this condition?
And yes, I could test but for what? To see a bfn? I'd be worse off at a baby shower after seeing a bfn on an hpt. Definately worse! And why should I change my plans? I planned to NOT test for my own sanity and just find out with the beta. This isn't fair.

HA! And last night at the meeting, they were talking about baby showers and baby dedications. How freaking hilarious!