It's been another while huh?? lol
Sorry!

So much has happened then again, nothing has happened. My sister's wedding is like a month away! I can't believe it so close. My other sister should be having her baby in about 2-3 weeks!!!

I am doing okay. I have been really focusing on my health and today (I weigh myself every Wednesday morning) I hit my 20lb loss!!! Woohoo!! I can't believe it. I don't feel like I've lost so much but I think it's the denial of thinking I wasn't that fat. Yeah right. I've been working out hard though. I've been eating SO much better. I've been tanning. I've been dressing differently. I feel better about myself everyday.
Aaron has lost about 30lbs himself! But he gains it back SO easily so he is working hard too.

My cousins quinceanera is this Saturday. I had bought a GORGEOUS dress to wear but unfortunately, I still don't fit into it. So I went out and bought me another GORGEOUS dress to wear. lol Aaron also got him some nice dabs so we will both be looking hot and classy on Saturday. I can't wait!

TTC... hmmm. What is it again?? J/K! How can I forget?!? Well that's still on hold (unless we somehow create a miracle here) but we've been talking. Aaron has REALLY started to talk about children. We've taken out our little god daughter and out of the blue while holding her he will say "I want a little one". Our deal still exists that we won't do anything or go into deep decision making until next year. I can't handle that right now plus I really want to lose more weight.
I did have a dream about a week ago though. I dreamt that I was looking at this little 2-3 year old girl who had red hair but my color of skin (olive). She was beautiful. In my dream I knew I was a foster parent to her. All of a sudden while staring at her I got this overwhelming feeling of wanting to adopt her. I remember thinking "this is my daughter, I want her to stay". So in the middle of the night while it was raining I call my agency lady and tell her "I want to adopt her". She tells me "this is what you called me for at 2am??" I said "yes, she is my daughter, I want her". So the lady goes on to tell me we will fill out paperwork the next day.
I can't explain the feeling I got after that (in my dream). I remember thinking "this is my daughter, this is what I've been waiting for, FINALLY". I just felt peace in my heart. It was sweet. I woke up smiling.

Aaron and I had actually be toying with adoption lately. Not anything deep or serious but more of "maybe". He says he knows we'd love an adopted child as our own (which is one of my secret fears). We've just been randomly talking about options but again, nothing serious until next year.

The funny thing is I get the reenrollment info on Aaron's health packet and lo and behold the adoption reimburesment has now increased from $5K to $10K in 2008. I am not sure if I ever updated but the HR lady I was talking to about increasing the IF coverage ($10K lifetime max) did finally give me an answer and it was a "no". A nice "no" but regardless it felt like crap. I still have some coverage though but I decided to change over to the other insurance company that dh's company has. If I am not mistaken, this other plan will cover 90% of IF treatment regardless if it is in or out of network which in the plan I have now does 90% in network and 80% out of network. If we do IVF again, we will switch clincs and might end up traveling so I think this is the best choice.

I have been feeling stressed about my sister being due pretty much any day now. If I think about it too much I cry so I just don't think about it. I am so scared of how I am going to react when I finally meet this little guy. I know I will love him but OMG I think I am going to break down. My other sister's friend also is due any day now and it stings.

**major venting ahead and just want to get this off of my chest, please, do not get offended**

I don't know if any other ladies out there that have had a m/c can relate but I often wonder why them and not me. I mean, what is so special about their babies and not mine?? Why did they get to carry to term and my baby died at 9 weeks?

I struggle with this thought everytime I see a pg woman or hear about somebody being due. I would never wish a m/c on someone but I just wonder what makes them so special....


It's going to be a hard holiday this year because last Christmas, I was pregnant. I had already planned for this Christmas and how our baby would had been 4 months. It's going to suck big donkey balls especially if my sister and new nephew are around. *sigh*
I will make it through though...

Love you ladies!! Please, give me updates on any old friends of mine!!