It felt like such a waste going into the lab this morning. I don't see the point when you already know. I guess its just to humiliate one even more. Ugh...
As I sat there I looked around. I can sort of tell when an infertile is in there. See, the clinic where I go is on the 4th floor ACROSS from OB/GYN so I see little bellies, HUGE bellies, weird bellies, round bellies, all kinds of bellies every single time I go there. You can't NOT run into them. I just roll my eyes as they passed me up today. True, who knows maybe they were once across the hall where I am but still... I don't know that!
Anyway, Aaron went with me and I told him I wasting blood. He then responded that blood makes regenerates itself (what the hell???). Um, okay. I meant, that I felt like this was a waste of time not to mention 3 hours of vacation taken from my job. Yes 3 hours because the clinic is about 45 minutes away from my house plus there was a line in the lab.
Anyway, I looked around and saw one lady who was older, maybe in her late 30's, I could tell she was in my clinic. Then another lady came in who looked over 40 who was also an infertile and I guess something went wrong because they had to call somebody on the phone (I am guessing her doctor or nurse) and she said very out loud too, "progesterone checked". Yeah, only a infertility patient would get that done unless of course she was PG but I don't think so. Then a foreign couple came in with an u/s pic of their baby. She wasn't showing or anything but I recognized the little card they put those u/s pics in. They gave me some when I was PG. Maybe she went through infertility. I know mine said "Fertility Specialist" on the top. I couldn't tell what hers said though... Then another girl comes in... That one was tricky. I couldn't tell. She looked like a mom but then again could be an infertile. Then of course, I thought I would escape them but nope, here came a "mommy" with her little toddler. I swear they need to seperate us because I was in such a lousy mood I wanted to be FAR AWAY from children/babies/PG women, etc.. Anything that reminded me of what I am missing!!!
Well the good part is the needle didn't hurt. Once I got to the back I was out of there in 2 minutes. Aaron and I rushed home and I made it to work...

I told Aaron that I am SOO looking forward to NOT seeing that damn building for a loooong time. When I first walked in there I was so hopeful, so excited. I was so naive too. Now its all a bad reminder of losing my baby, where I should be in my PG, how I would be across the hall now, how my body failed to get pg again and of course all the shots, the u/s, and the b/w. So now I am not so excited or hopeful when I walk in, its more of a stab in gut feeling. So yes, I will be looking forward to not seeing any of those pg women, and the clinic for a while... No more shots, no more pills, no more stress, no more waiting on phones calls... Just living life the way it is and letting my mind get back on track. Letting my body heal and my heart heal fully from losing our baby. That actually excites me, who would have thought?