Thanks for the comments. Ya'll are the BOMB! It's amazing how you women are so much more involved with me in all this ttc crap and my sadness of my loss then my own family!!
Besides Aaron, nobody remembers this date. I guess I understand. I mean, I am sure I probably wouldn't remember someone elses est. due date unless they talked about it all the time, and I don't. Well I do here!!! :) But not in real life. Nobody knows how sad I really am besides Aaron. I blame it on my pride!!! Is it hispanic pride or what? I don't want ANYBODY feeling sorry for me. I hate that! Especially women. I have a REAL problem with that.
At church, I don't open up about this at all. I don't cry when I am praying or tell others to pray for me. I just don't want any women (fertile women) saying "oh poor Diana, she can't have babies". I open up to my family sometimes but rarely. Again, I don't want them to feel sorry for me or see how bad it really is. Does that make sense?

On a brighter note.. today has been good amazingly. I woke up thinking about today but the last 2 days have been harder. I had been crying myself to sleep and waking up sad but last night I was okay. I told Aaron yesterday or the day before that the 16th was coming up. I said, I would had had a baby in 2 days. He said "no, you probably would have had him today or tomorrow". UM?!?! WTH kind of response is that?? Geez! I asked him to please not say that because that made me sad. He is a dork!! Did he actually think that would make me feel better?? Anyways... back to today! I decided yesterday to make today a new beginning instead of a sad ending. I have been wanting to focus on my overall health and I planned to start hitting the gym again next week. Well I told Aaron that I wanted to start today. This morning. I thought it would be really nice to start a new fresh beginning on the day that was going to be awful to me. Well the gym doesn't open back up until Aug. 27th so the track had to do. Aaron has decided to join me and we've decided to eat good and exercise as much as possible. I want to have lost 12lbs by my FET which will be the end of Sept or the beginning of Oct. I am excited!!! Aaron put his goal to 15lbs!!! I am sure we will reach our goals!!
I am also going to try to get my emotions back in shape. I need to get positive again. I mean, I've been dealt a hard hand here so I am not going to be in la la land playing Candy Land or anything but I can try to be more positive. I can try to be hopeful again. I did manage to be a mommy even if it was only 9 weeks but I was a mom. And when I think about that I get goosebumps because how many times did I cry thinking I would never ever ever get pg. But I did. So I am going to hope and believe that I will get pg again. I will see those 2 pink lines again. I will get a ++ beta again and *hopefully* this next time, I will get to bring a baby home. Or even 2 babies! I am believing again.
My body needs some TLC as my emotions so that is my main focus. Of course, so is my FET coming up. I am really hopeful and feel good about it. Doing acupuncture and getting my body better is making me feel like I am being proactive. Aaron joining me is a bonus!!! If that FET doesn't work hopefully with a better healthstyle and some new vitamins, his spermies will be good enough for IUI. Can you tell I am really trying to dodge the IVF#3 bullet??? I will hopefully!!!!!

Appropriately, it's raining here. Its all gray and sad looking outside. I say appropriately because it IS a sad day. It is a day that hurts and watching the rain outside my window reminds me of my baby and it makes me feel like the sadness is around me, if that makes sense? It makes me feel good that even the weather feels sad that my baby didn't make it here to Earth. Lord knows that my baby would had been a hit here on Earth!! Oh the great things he would have accomplished throughout the years. I am sure he is doing GREAT things where he's at right now though. I am sure of it.

So the rain will stop and then the sun will come out eventually. Gives me goosebumps!!! The sun will come out again one day. Every rain drop that has fallen today is like every single tear I've cried since 1-8-07, the day we didn't hear our perfect little babies heartbeat again. But one day the tears will stop. One day, my tears will be replaced with utter joy. I know it. I know it in my heart. Now I just need to figure out how to get that day to come faster!!! That's the hard part. The waiting of all this!!