Well haven't updated!!!
I have been on a rollercoaster. Complete with twists, upside down twirls and lots of sharp turns. And the worse part is that it's still not over.

I'll start with what was supposed to be my u/s on that Thursday I mentioned in post before. I don't remember the date. So we go in excited as can be. Dr. does my u/s and NOTHING shows up. He mentioned my lining looks great but that my uterus is empty. (My belly is empty!!!) Dh and I are pretty much confused by then. Hmm how can this be. So dr. suggests we do another beta to see where my numbers are. I got my results the next day, Friday. They come in high at almost 6900 and the nurse tells me the dr. wants me to go to the hospital to get another more throrough u/s to check for ectopic. We go at 7:30pm and I get a very slow and torturous scan. No ectopic is found. They did find a tiny sac in my uterus finally (took forever)which the on call dr. says looks irregular and that it's NOT viable. She said she expects me to miscarry soon. Ouch. Dh and I are actually happy that first of all there is a bean or what will be a bean AND that it's not in my tube. I was TERRIFIED of ectopic. My dr. then calls me and is much more encouraging then the on call dr. He tells me it's so early and that we should just wait it out. I agree and tell him that we'll touch base the following week.
So I go on Monday for another beta. This time it's up to 15,000. It's not quite doubling but it's moving up. I hear after hcg hits 6000 it will double in 96 hours vs the 48 hours as before. So dr. wants a repeat u/s for that Friday. This was last Friday btw. So we go back to radiology and have another tech. She does the ab u/s first and right away she finds the sac. This time the sac looks beautiful and very circular unlike the past Friday. I ask if there is anything inside and she says she will know more once we do the vaginal u/s. Finally she gets to it and she doesn't say anything so I knew something wasn't right yet again. I looked at the screen and see little specks here and there but nothing that looks like a yolk sac or fetal pole or whatever else you're supposed to see.
She says the on call dr. will come talk to us in a bit. Pretty much the on call dr. tells me in 45 seconds (she seemed like she was in a hurry- bitch) that the pregnancy was not viable and that it was detoriating. She said something about a bleed and fluid and used the word debris. She said I will be miscarrying soon. By then I'm like OK, fine. Non viable, I can deal. Don't get me wrong, I did my crying the day that we had the u/s with my dr. and they couldn't find anything. But like I said it's been a ride so far so it's not shocking to hear.
I've been waiting to miscarry but so far nothing. I keep asking God to please get it over with if it's truly over.
I am not sure what I am diagnosed with... everything I find comes up blighted ovum but the nurse told me that the radiology dr. would had said it. So wth do I have then????
The worst part is not having answers. My dr. doesn't seem very compassionate. It turned me off from him. Through this whole process he's been very detached from what was going on. I have to call them for results and even the nurse pisses me off. I miss my RE!!!

I went for another beta today to see what's going on with my numbers. Also dh wants me to get a 2nd opinion with another dr. He does NOT like my dr. So I'll be working on that for the end of the week if I have no signs of miscarriage. I'll get my beta results tomorrow and that should tell us a bit more of what is going on.

I am sad of course but like I told dh... I'm not naive like I was my first bfp. That totally caught me off guard. Plus, I saw the baby. I heard his heartbeat. This time, I of course LOVE my baby but I haven't seen him. Also I didn't let myself get attached sadly. I knew better. I knew that things can go wrong, even if THIS was a miracle. I know.
I'm still so so happy that this happened, whatever the outcome is. It gives me hope and it definately brought the evil itch back!!! Dh already has a urology appt coming in March lol.

I have hope that all can turn out okay with the pregnancy but I know it can end any minute too. If you've checked out misdiagnosed miscarriage website you'll see why I still have hope. That site will get ya!!!! We'll see what's in my future though. We have lots of prayers and thoughts flowing our way. That's always comforting.

Funny thing is this pregnancy has been so much more eventful as far as symptoms are concerned. I have major nausea where my last pregnancy I had none. I am sleepy, boobs hurt and just feel pregnant. The only thing that helps my nausea is sour stuff. I have eaten lots of pickles, lemonade, cucumbers with salt and lemon and lime popsicles these couple of weeks.
I've read that the placenta makes the hcg which gives you symptoms so I know it can mean nothing and symptoms can keep going even if there is no baby.

The thing that does bother me is trying to figure out how to take care of this if this pregnancy doesn't make it. I would do another d&c because it was so easy last time (I don't think I could handle a natural m/c honestly) but I've been reading that multiple d&c's can cause problems.

But I'll take it a day at a time for now. We'll see what tomorrow's beta brings and depending on that we'll see if I have one more u/s to see. I should be 6-7 weeks by now so there should have def been something by now. *sigh*

Here's to the rollercoaster ride (said in the most sarcastic tone ever!!) **cheers**